There is a pervasive mindset within self improvement industry that anyone can achieve anything which permeates self-help literature and any and every kind of personal growth seminar to their core. Even when not expressed outright this view is implied because otherwise the whole industry doesn’t have a leg to stand on. If people aren’t responsible for themselves, then what’s the point? Everyone is responsible for their own experience, circumstances and as it turns out their inability to accomplish anything remarkable.

Gurus ranging from world renowned coaches like Anthony Robins and Steve Covey to run of the mill executive coaches and even people who offer advice under the label of a Life Coach in niche circles all base their sales-pitch on an idea that if you work hard, focus on what you want, think happy thoughts and exhibit vibrations which align with the energy of the universe then, well the sky is the limit! It’s certainly true that happy people live in a happy world and unhappy people live in unhappy world, but changing one’s perspective isn’t the same as changing context and circumstances from an objective point of view. I’m in the business of selling widgets, and if everyone decides to simplify and become one with the universe – through sex, drugs, or transcendental meditation – who will buy my useless widgets? Who will manufacture them?

Perhaps it’s best to return to our historical roots – gathering nuts, sleeping in a cave, chasing dinner for entertainment. It’s not like living in a cave out of necessity is any different physically than living in a cave as a spiritual journey. Surely the head-space is different, but happy people are happy – whether they’re on a 60 ft. yacht or sleeping under a tree.

There are miserable millionaires and happy homeless invalids, there always were and there always will be. There are always going to be individuals who transcend their circumstances and leave behind childhoods of poverty, under-privilege; abuse, segregation and unfairness; the always present individuals who achieve greatness in their respective fields of work or who go forward and inadvertently establish whole new industries or spearhead original scientific research.

The mistake that life coaches and other personal growth gurus make in their promises is not that they offer a teaching of specific skills – like for example a voice coach or a dating coach would do – what is often offered is a life transformation if only you’ve got a few bright ideas, a bit of energy, some free time (and if you don’t just turn off the TV and listen to audiobooks during your commute to work).

Follow these 10 easy steps and you too can have it all.
Quit your shitty job and work for yourself from anywhere, any time you want.

Leave Podunk and see the world.
Double your income and buy your kid an XBox for Christmas.
Tell people what they want to hear and make more friends who’s greatest contribution in your life will be posting on your facebook wall.
Get any woman, any time, anywhere – just follow this easy 5 step system.
Do all of the above and discover your career all at the same time!

I’m sorry grasshopper – if you’re 35 and are still stumbling around trying to find yourself your parents royally screwed up your upbringing. That’s also now your responsibility to fix, buddy; everyone else is busy – each man for himself! Socialism is what happens when Capitalism makes it obvious that Darwin wasn’t talking about just monkeys. Evolution applies to humans too only with humans the ones in charge make the stupid ones work for them instead of bashing their brains out. It’s a win-win, no?

Every time I visit a large chain bookstore I’m always curious to swing by the self-help section and scan the titles of the books. It’s a marketer’s wet dream since the most recent, most promoted books or programs will instantly indicate what people deem important in calculating someone’s socioeconomic standing. No surprises here: money, number of sexual partners, weight, how many countries one has visited.

What is surprising is the recent proliferation (which started in the 1970’s with counter-culture’s interest in Far Eastern philosophy) that has finally reached critical mass: sales people are hawking miniature statues of Buddha in suburban malls; outside of major metropolitan areas Yoga studios outnumber Starbucks. Fast food enlightenment is right around the corner, and if you only could listen to an audiobook or two during your commute to work then all those other circumstances and responsibilities and demands – well, you’ll just transcend them – the law of attraction guarantees this. It guarantees that if millions of people work really, really hard for decades then some of them – half alive after a heart attack, a stroke, surviving the 25% chance of cancer, with half of their wifes filing for divorce – would finally be able to say their life wasn’t a complete waste. I’m being overly dramatic and pessimistic, but look at your average middle-level manager or an executive, or one of hundreds of VPs in a multi-national Mega Corp of your choice and then tell me with a straight face that I’m dead wrong.

Some people tout habitual travel as a lifestyle to aspire to – wanderlust they call it – and you know what? Just imagine how much fun is flying to somewhere popular already – and someone seriously expects many people to enjoy this as a lifestyle? And this is coming from largely liberal, green and eco-friendly crowd? Flying places is about as green as racing monster trucks… about the same gas mileage per person as well, but they go faster. I don’t want to knock these coaches too much – after all most of them really do believe their own bullshit, and as far as things to believe it’s way better to think that everyone is responsible for their own destiny than to think otherwise. I just don’t buy the whole work hard and get what you want spiel. There are a lot more variables there.

Perhaps if we told our children statistical averages for their future instead of that they can be anything they want when they grow up the suicide rates for teenagers would quadruple overnight. But that would never happen – shrinking population is very bad for business. If only the smart ones are left then who will do the dirty jobs? Would TV go out of business because smart people don’t watch TV – they’re on TV.

There is just one little nagging fact that undermines self-help: the success of self-improvement industry as a whole is worse than that of western public schools! And we all know how horribly ineffective those are… I mean we must import smart people from 3rd world countries because none of the local ones are smart enough to get in to graduate school. And we’re talking professional teachers – the ones who go tos chool to become teachers and must be certified by the state. What kind of teachers do you expect elsewhere?

What I mean by the previous paragraph above is that from the viewpoint of self-improvement we’re total imbeciles. Just look at the titles and back cover copy of any self-improvement book.

Back on the dating market for the 6th time in 3 months? Simply be more confident and learn a joke or two. Haven’t had a date in 5 years? Just learn to love women. You want to make more sales? Just find the customer’s hot button. Your wife is threatening to file for divorce because you don’t listen? Just get more in touch with your emotions. Haven’t gotten a raise in 4 years? Man, you must really suck at your job, but here’s a 30-page eBook that will set you straight on a career of your dreams. Feeling kinda shitty for 13 years in a row? It’s your self-esteem, man! Can’t loose those pesky 60 lbs.? Just go to the gym twice a week. It all is just so simple… we must all be that stupid to get with the program and just do it. Oh, wait…

It’s not that any of these coaches are going out of their way to set people astray on purpose. They really do mean well and want to help people. It’s just that a majority of them are completely unqualified. They have done one thing that worked for them and that they promise to teach to anyone and everyone for $85.99 an hour over the phone. The thing is there are hundreds, thousands even, who did exactly the same thing and ended up in the middle of the bell curve. A lot had to compound over 20-30 years for these gurus to bubble up to the top. It’s not as predictable in the other direction as it looks. But I agree – they should definitely teach people – they should teach people marketing and public relations. Yes, that fine art of lying without really lying while doing it in a way that the audience thinks it was their idea all along. It’s really not that different from establishing a cult. Just as functional.

Here’s an idea you might have not considered: self help is a multi-billion dollar industry. How do you get a bunch of middle-of-the-roaders to believe they actually suck and that they can achieve great things if only they meditate a bit and maybe drink some green tea for a caffeine boost? Marketing. Marketing, and a bit more marketing. And like any industry it survives by conditioning as large a group of people as possible to remain loyal customers.

Here’s the kicker though: there are only 24 hours in a day. The time is finite. If you do more sales calls then your wife might get lonely. If you haven’t learned grade 5 reading comprehension by the time you graduated from high school maybe you just wouldn’t be any good as a blogger no matter how many “Improve your blog in 30 days” books you’ll read or how many internet marketing seminars you attend.

I’m a big advocate for continuous education, for self-directed learning, for trying to make a dent in the universe. I’m also a realist. I understand that no one has it all figured out, and no matter what anyone or any book will tell you there will always be outside circumstances and contexts outside of your control which will either help you or hurt your chances. Those individuals who bubble up to the top are outliers, and if there’s one nugget of wisdom from the book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell it is that winners write the history and that attribution bias is real even among the most intelligent and well meaning.

So maybe next time someone will say to you: “If I could do it, anyone can” you’ll remember that as long as people as individuals remain separate they will never be equal in practice – not in their ambitions, not in their ability, not in their upbringing or circumstances, and definitely not in their accomplishments. Equal under the law doesn’t mean equal results or equal compensation. But it’s important to follow the carrot or self-improvement hanging in front because happiness and contentedness doesn’t pay the bills. From a pragmatic point of view fulfillment and enlightenment is very bad for business; happy people don’t buy books on happiness, rich people don’t read books about how to increase sales; the environment determines more about what you’ll accomplish during your life than your innate work ethic or intelligence.

And if you’re really keen on improving your circumstances, there’s only one way to do it: find someone who was at some point in the past where you are now and do what they did to get where you want to go. The only caveat is that you will get exactly the same results as they did in all the other areas. There are very few people who have their lives together and even fewer of them have any interest in mentoring someone dysfunctional who will constantly remind them of their past.

There are exceptions, of course. Who knows, maybe you are that one special snowflake in the sea of suckers. And now, would you be interested in a tele-seminar about how not to be a sucker?