Daring Mind

By using the “What do I think?” method, people can quickly discover their values and build a solid foundation for self-acceptance and self-esteem. Clarity around ones’ values and beliefs also frees us up to concentrate only on the critical aspects of a decision and reduces anxiety, stress and cognitive exhaustion.

No matter what path one takes, it’s impossible to accept yourself if you don’t know who that self is. Knowing and accepting our own values is the foundation that confidence is built upon. Without it no amount of effort would result in success. And as often is the case there is a simple and straight forward process that can be used to build a solid foundation for unshakable self-esteem and confidence. So far the best way I have found that works quickly and consistently is the game of “What do I think?”.

To become confident, one of the things that must happen is that a person needs to figure out their own values, what they believe, what they stand for. In a way, when people say someone is self-confident or has high self-esteem, what is meant is that this person is self-aware first – they understand themselves and know what they believe and what their values are – and second, accept that in themselves. Coincidentally, people I meet who are lacking a sense of confidence and are a bit low on self-esteem, I discover, simply haven’t spent time considering what they want and what their values are. Accepting oneself is impossible to do before one learns who one is.

From my discussions with new friends and old, I find what holds people back from fully accepting themselves and becoming comfortable in their own skin – leaving anxiety, regret, compulsiveness behind – is that no one ever taught them how to learn about themselves, how to clarify and expose the values for themselves so that those values, ambitions, desires, insecurities and believes can become conscious and at last be integrated and accepted as people build the concept of who they are for themselves.

With the game of “What do I think?”, the good news is that there is no need to go deep or explore underlying meaning. The goal is simply to bring the values, wants and desires you already have to the surface. It is not important what those desires are, whether one would judge them as good or bad, or how you acquired them.

The challenge with this process is that throughout our daily lives our values and thoughts are always there, we’re living them out each and every day in a variety of different situations as we make a multitude of decisions from what to wear to what to eat to how to spend the limited leisure time. This means although what we believe is always there we rarely are aware of what it is, it’s close to the surface but is still hidden from conscious awareness a lot of the time. This happens naturally and is a good thing – because attention is a limited resource, remaining aware of everything and everyone at the same time would be too exhausting and will quickly gobble up any mental capacity that we, as humans, use to function day-to-day.

The goal of asking “What do I think?” about what you see and what happens is not to go deep by repeatedly asking the question. The purpose of asking this question is to help people bring awareness regarding what is being questioned. Once awareness is achieved, it’s up to each individual to accept, reject or modify the belief or value.

The power of this exercise is to consider one’s wants and desires in different situations – not with the purpose of changing or judging them, but to simply clarify for ourselves what they are. Ultimately, whatever your believe or value – whether good or bad – doesn’t really change anything until such belief is acted upon. It is completely safe to become aware of your desires or to formalize and organize your beliefs in the safe space of your own mind.

A side benefit of asking yourself “What do I think?” from time to time is that a lot of clarification happens before hand. For example, if you’ve considered beforehand what you will have for lunch or whether a road trip is a good idea this month or next then deciding on what to order once at the cafeteria or how to RSVP to a holiday invitation becomes just a matter of expressing the decision already arrived at previously. There is no anxiety or pressure to weigh pros and cons impromptu. This simplifies decision making because when a situation arises a lot of deciding and clarifying has already been done. This reduces stress and frees up mental capacity, when time is of essence, to concentrate on just the new information that is important for this specific decision at hand – all non-critical preferences have already been evaluated and so no longer demand attention at the moment.

And as you clarify your values and desires and thoughts over time, you will be able to make decisions quicker and with less worry that before, knowing that what you’re doing is the correct choice for you. Acting on your decisions becomes easier. You will become happier as you’re able to direct your life in a more conscious way, by choice. By regularly checking in with yourself by asking “What?” will allow you to become more decisive and more grounded in your values – which is one of the critical steps on your way to build a durable and strong self-esteem, unshakable confidence and discover who you really are.By using the “What do I think?” method, people can quickly discover their values and build a solid foundation for self-acceptance and self-esteem. Clarity around ones’ values and beliefs also frees us up to concentrate only on the critical aspects of a decision and reduces anxiety, stress and cognitive exhaustion.

No matter what path one takes, it’s impossible to accept yourself if you don’t know who that self is. Knowing and accepting our own values is the foundation that confidence is built upon. Without it no amount of effort would result in success. And as often is the case there is a simple and straight forward process that can be used to build a solid foundation for unshakable self-esteem and confidence. So far the best way I have found that works quickly and consistently is the game of “What do I think?”.

To become confident, one of the things that must happen is that a person needs to figure out their own values, what they believe, what they stand for. In a way, when people say someone is self-confident or has high self-esteem, what is meant is that this person is self-aware first – they understand themselves and know what they believe and what their values are – and second, accept that in themselves. Coincidentally, people I meet who are lacking a sense of confidence and are a bit low on self-esteem, I discover, simply haven’t spent time considering what they want and what their values are. Accepting oneself is impossible to do before one learns who one is.

From my discussions with new friends and old, I find what holds people back from fully accepting themselves and becoming comfortable in their own skin – leaving anxiety, regret, compulsiveness behind – is that no one ever taught them how to learn about themselves, how to clarify and expose the values for themselves so that those values, ambitions, desires, insecurities and believes can become conscious and at last be integrated and accepted as people build the concept of who they are for themselves.

With the game of “What do I think?”, the good news is that there is no need to go deep or explore underlying meaning. The goal is simply to bring the values, wants and desires you already have to the surface. It is not important what those desires are, whether one would judge them as good or bad, or how you acquired them.

The challenge with this process is that throughout our daily lives our values and thoughts are always there, we’re living them out each and every day in a variety of different situations as we make a multitude of decisions from what to wear to what to eat to how to spend the limited leisure time. This means although what we believe is always there we rarely are aware of what it is, it’s close to the surface but is still hidden from conscious awareness a lot of the time. This happens naturally and is a good thing – because attention is a limited resource, remaining aware of everything and everyone at the same time would be too exhausting and will quickly gobble up any mental capacity that we, as humans, use to function day-to-day.

The goal of asking “What do I think?” about what you see and what happens is not to go deep by repeatedly asking the question. The purpose of asking this question is to help people bring awareness regarding what is being questioned. Once awareness is achieved, it’s up to each individual to accept, reject or modify the belief or value.

The power of this exercise is to consider one’s wants and desires in different situations – not with the purpose of changing or judging them, but to simply clarify for ourselves what they are. Ultimately, whatever your believe or value – whether good or bad – doesn’t really change anything until such belief is acted upon. It is completely safe to become aware of your desires or to formalize and organize your beliefs in the safe space of your own mind.

A side benefit of asking yourself “What do I think?” from time to time is that a lot of clarification happens before hand. For example, if you’ve considered beforehand what you will have for lunch or whether a road trip is a good idea this month or next then deciding on what to order once at the cafeteria or how to RSVP to a holiday invitation becomes just a matter of expressing the decision already arrived at previously. There is no anxiety or pressure to weigh pros and cons impromptu. This simplifies decision making because when a situation arises a lot of deciding and clarifying has already been done. This reduces stress and frees up mental capacity, when time is of essence, to concentrate on just the new information that is important for this specific decision at hand – all non-critical preferences have already been evaluated and so no longer demand attention at the moment.

And as you clarify your values and desires and thoughts over time, you will be able to make decisions quicker and with less worry that before, knowing that what you’re doing is the correct choice for you. Acting on your decisions becomes easier. You will become happier as you’re able to direct your life in a more conscious way, by choice. By regularly checking in with yourself by asking “What?” will allow you to become more decisive and more grounded in your values – which is one of the critical steps on your way to build a durable and strong self-esteem, unshakable confidence and discover who you really are.